Getting Her Back
I feel like I’m going crazy. I don’t sleep, I sit on the chair all night. watching the phone and hoping. That phone call is in my mind, and I know he is right. Sure my dad said he is wrong, but he isn’t. I wipe my eyes and wonder if I will ever get her back.
I tried leaving a few times to go myself but my dad refused to tell me where she lived. Instead he has stayed by my side the whole time and cuddled me.
I wish it helped, before I would feel safe, but now I just feel lost and like I’m drowning. Jaspers words on replay constantly, then the thought. of if I can get over this. I made him aware to do anything it took, and I know he will sleep with her, but can I get past it?
“Princess.” I turn and look at my dad. “He will get her back. Do you really think he would leave without her? He would just about everything to get her back safe. It might take time, but he will.”
I nod, that’s what I’m afraid of. I begin crying again and he holds me.
“Princess, I saw the messages. You can’t walk away from him if he sleeps with her, you told him to.”
“I won’t.” I just don’t know if he will want me again after. I must fall asleep as I wake feeling my dad moving. I look up and see Sam, his face softening when he sees me.
“Keys, park it on her street, leave the keys under the car.” My dad hands him keys and I look up confused.
“What’s happening?”
Getting Her Back
“Jasper messaged asking to make sure the car is there. She will be home soon princess, so calm down.” I nod and watch as Sam leaves. An hour later I hear the door and look over and see Jasper with Damiana. Rushing I take her and run to the bedroom locking the door behind me.
Holding her I cry, I don’t feel like I can ever put her down again. Ten minutes pass by as I hold her and cry before I hear the knocking. I don’t want to face him. Knowing I have to, I move and unlock the door before sitting back on the bed.
I watch as he walks in and sits on the bottom of the bed looking at me.
“I’m sorry baby girl, what I said I didn’t mean. I had to make her believe. I hated you.” He doesn’t move, just sits waiting. “You’re an amazing mum, I know Harl, if you had tried to escape you and the Damiana would be dead. You were keeping her safe by playing his game and tricking him. Please baby girl.”
“Jasper, I am over that now.” I am, it hurt, but he wasn’t wrong. I now just fear he won’t want me. Everything shifted after I had Damiana and I feel like that is because he doesn’t want me.
“Baby girl please, I’m here trying to fix things. I love you, please I’m sorry for making out you were a bad mum, making out like you were selfish, and didn’t care.
“Your words were true Jasper, regardless of the situation your words. were right, but honestly, I don’t care about what you said.”
“Then what? You’re scaring me baby girl, calling me Jasper, not looking at me. Why are you running away? You say you don’t care about what I said, fine, then what do you care about?” He moves until he is sitting ahead of me. “Please, you’re building up a wall baby girl, calling me Jasper and it feels like you’re ready for this to fucking end.”
Getting Her Back
He grips my chin waiting.
“You slept with her Jasper.” My words are quiet, and I try to think of how to say the next part.
“I did what was needed to ger our daughter! You fucking told me to, you told me to do whatever it took. You even said to sleep with her if it would work. I knew I would lose you baby girl, I just didn’t think it would be over something you fucking told me to do!” He looks at me hurt.
“I’m still here Jasper. I’m just afraid of how long you will be. I’m wondering how long it will be before you walk out realising you don’t want this.”
“I proposed baby girl, I bought us a house. I want this, why wouldn’t I want this?” He grasps my chin refusing to let go of it so I can’t hide away. “I need to know your reasons baby girl, why do you feel like I won’t want this?”
The room fills with silence and I fight for the words.
“Because of me. Look at me Jasper, really fucking look at me!” His eyes look at me full of confusion. “Before, when this started I was different, I had scars and things but nothing drastic. Now look at me. My body is nothing like before I was pregnant, I have so many more scars, and now stretch marks. Why the fuck do you want me when you can have her!” My words are screamed and he stares at me shocked.
“Baby girl, you’re fucking perfection.” His words are fierce.
“Don’t do that Jasper! Don’t fucking lie to my face.” I watch as he leans. forward and goes to Damiana my hands tightening on her.
“The door is locked, let me put her in the crib, you’re shouting while
Getting Her Back
holding her.” I release her and watch as he walks to the other side of the room and places her in the crib before walking back.
“My words were not a lie baby girl.”
“Really!” I lift my top showing the stretch marks, then move the skirt to show the scars now across my legs from where Joel had stabbed me. “What about these are these, fucking perfect?” I cry and point to my neck, sure these ones are small but still scars. “What about these? I saw her and I know how she fucking looks, you just had that, so why would you want me!” He moves grasping my chin. “Me and her on a scale I don’t even reach the fucking bottom while she is at the top!” His hand moves and grips the back of my neck.
“Baby girl, to me you’re fucking perfection, the scars, stretch marks all that make up that perfection. Your scars reflect the ones I have inside of me. Each of your scars is darkness like the darkness within me and I fucking crave them baby girl.” His lips press against mine.
“Do you think I enjoyed it? I tried to block out the feeling of her body on mine, I tried imagining you so I wouldn’t feel so fucking repulsed. God baby girl, I asked you remember, why the hell you’re with me. when you can get someone so much fucking younger than me.”
I go to speak and his finger covers my mouth.
“Just listen. I am over ten years older than you baby girl, I said you can get someone better than me, but you haven’t, why? Why did you stay with me and want me when you could have someone like fucking James?” He looks at me waiting.
“That’s different! I want you and like you.”
“And you think I don’t want you or love you? God baby girl look back and open your pretty eyes. I wanted you so fucking much I risked my
Getting Her Black
life and your dad murdering me. That’s how much I crave to feel you run through me veins, I don’t care if I die for it.” His body pushes mine. back. “You are perfect to me. Your scars remind me every time I see them how much you fight to live and how much I want to be there to fight with you. They remind me that that darkness that lingers within me you feel and have proof of it.” His lips crash against mine causing
me to cry.
“Say goodbye to our daughter baby girl.”
I look up shocked and confused. “Why?” What the hell?
“Because I’m asking your dad to have her because clearly you are delusional and needing fucking back to sense.” I tilt my head, unamused. “I’m not joking.” He picks her up and walks to me. “Say goodbye baby girl.” Leaning forward I kiss her, and watch as he walks out. He’s joking right? I watch him walk back through without her.
“Your dad is taking her to the club, no one will get near her there. You need fixing, as you’ve clearly lost your mind.”
“I haven’t.” I look at him and he chuckles.
“Baby girl, you have, so here is the plan. I am fucking you, over and over, and I don’t care if it takes one hour, ten hours or a month. I am not stopping until you realise how much I love you, and crave you.” I watch as he pulls his top off, my teeth biting against my lip.
“Stand.” A shiver runs down my spine at his order, moving I do as he
says.