Living A Lie
“When I showed up that night at your dads, him and your mum were arguing. He wasn’t happy that she hit you. They split up baby girl and divorced.”
“What?” I sit shocked, and realise something. “It’s my fault.” What have I done? “That also doesn’t explain why he is giving me everything.”
“Look, things are complicated, I should start at the beginning then you will know everything.” He looks at me and I nod. “Baby girl, this isn’t something small, so when I tell you don’t freak out or worry.”
Well, now he’s said not to I’m going to.
“And don’t hate your dad for the secrets, he was doing what he thought was best.” I nod agreeing although I don’t know if I can agree totally.
“Twenty–five years ago your dad was dating a woman named Rose.” I look at him shocked, Rose is my middle name? “Stop, just listen.” He laughs slightly and I nod, clearly he could see I am already wondering.
“She was like you, into bikes, and everything, she disappeared one night. Her dad was strict, your dad loved her. He then met your mum Dawn, she was at the club, they got married within six months. Two weeks after the marriage, there was a baby girl on the doorstep, a note. from Rose saying the baby was safer away from her, the note had the babies name and date of birth and everything.” I stare shocked.
“I have another sister?”
I watch his head shake. “No baby girl, you were the baby. Dawn, your
mum agreed to bring you up as her own. Your dad tried to find your mum but her family were too strict and kept her away.”
I have so much to ask, but it makes no sense. “Mum is still his wife and Ivy is his daughter.” I watch as his head shakes.
“Your mum, Dawn was like Ivy, going through a rebellious stage, that’s how she met your dad. He didn’t know, she played the part perfectly baby girl, they got married then slowly your mum slipped back, unable to play the part anymore. Your dad and mum haven’t loved each other since before Ivy was born.”
I stare at him shocked, that can’t be right.
“That was why your dad was so angry at Ivy for showing up dressed that way. Your mum regretted getting married to your dad, she did it to rebel, to be more like her sister and lived with the regret since, about a year after getting married baby girl, she began an affair, your dad knew and just played dumb in some ways to keep your family together.”
I don’t respond, unsure what the hell to say. Everything was a lie? I still don’t get why my dad won’t give Ivy something? Why just me?
“It makes no sense. He shouldn’t give it all to me.” He shouldn’t.
“Your dad had doubts about Ivy, knowing your mum was having an affair so he had tests done she isn’t his. Your mum knows, Ivy knows, only you didn’t baby girl, and the only reason your dad stayed was to keep the family together while you two were studying. Your mum never loved your dad, hence she has been seeing the same man for over twenty years.”
“Ivy isn’t my sister?” This is too much, how much has changed since I
left?
Living A Lin
“In some ways no, in other ways yes. The fact is, your mum left and moved in with the guy she was having an affair with. Your dad paid enough money into an account for Ivy for her education, the man your mum was having an affair with has no money, which is why she stayed. so Ivy had what she needed.”
“I’m going to bed.” This is too much for one day. Standing I walk through and climb into bed, covering my body and hiding away. I thought I would come back and everything be how it was, but now I realise. I have no family left. None, at all.
I don’t know how long I lie awake before I feel him climb into bed and wrap his arms around me.
“I’m sorry.” My voice is quiet.
“Don’t apologise baby girl.” He kisses the back of my neck.
“I have to, the wedding was his way of hurting you. I then said cenný and hurt you more.
“Baby girl it would have hurt me, but I would have been happy if I knew you loved him and were happy. If you truly were I wouldn’t care. about me if you were happy, as for saying cenný, then making it sound like nothing. I realised. Your dad left and I sat replaying it over and over, I listened to the words you were saying, I saw you in my mind. struggling to say it and realised there would be no fucking way in hell you would say that in front of your dad. I realised something on that phone had you change the story at the last minute.” His hand stays on my heart.
“I didn’t want to hurt you. When he threatened to move us, I knew you wouldn’t find us. I thought if I agreed he wouldn’t make us move. I thought I could find a way to get the baby to you. I failed, I failed
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Living A Lie
myself, Ivy, my dad, you, myself and our baby.”
“No you didn’t! You wanted to keep everyone safe and you fucking did.”
“I didn’t, dad is gone.” I cry slightly and hiccup.
“He will be back! I promise you baby girl. You failed no one, you fought to save yourself and our baby. You thought Ivy was in immediate danger and changed the plan to save her. Don’t ever think you failed.” I nod and don’t reply. I fall asleep against him, trying to hide from the reality of how everything has changed so quickly. Waking the bed is empty, I get sorted and walk out, Jasper looks at me as I sit down. He walks over and hands me food and a cup, sitting I eat in silence as he just watches me.
I don’t know what he is thinking, and I’m not sure I want to know. I hear the knocking and turn to look at the door. I don’t want to accept it, and listening to the solicitor means I have to. I watch as Jasper greets him and I laugh slightly seeing Sam walk over.
“You’re his solicitor?” Is that a joke?
“Yeah, I trained, most of us have careers Harl, you just always assumed us at the club rode bikes and sat in the club all the time.” He laughs and sits down. “Your dad needs you to sign these, if you don’t and he gets time there’s a chance he will lose everything. It’s to keep everything safe, and so you have things needed.” I want to refuse but I know it will hurt my dad if I don’t and he loses the clubs.
Taking the pen I sign everything.
“Can I see him?” I need to see him, he looks at me like he is debating it. “Please, I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”
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“I will get him to agree, but it will be once Harl, he won’t want you going there. He’s been charged with the murder.” I stare shocked, turning I look at Jasper, he said he wouldn’t be.
“Don’t kill me.” He holds his hands up.
“Harl, listen to me.” Turning I look at Sam. “There is no evidence. None at all, so they will either throw it out eventually realising they can’t prove it was him, or it will go to trial and he will walk. There is no proof, right now all they have is him admitting he went there, but he said no one answered so he left.”
“Don’t lie to me!” How can he be so sure he will walk.
“I’m not, do you really think I will walk away and leave your dad in prison?” I want to believe him but even I know this can go wrong. “Look, everyone at the club is helping, trying to see if there is cameras. and such. All we need is one person to walk into that building that he knew after your dad left and it puts more doubt in their minds.
H
His words make me realise, Jake and Oliver. “There was. Joel had two guys coming over that night, Jake and Oliver. I know they rang Joel before going, if Joel didn’t answer I know Jake enough to know he would have kicked off and threatened Joel for backing out.”
I mean, I don’t want anyone innocent going down for something they didn’t do, but Jake and Oliver going down for his murder sure will help all those women they abuse and sell.
“Okay, see, that will help. Tell me what you know about them,
anything that you we can use to show they were not nice guys. Tell me how you know they were going and what for.” I sit and look at him, I feel myself panic, that means telling him about me.
Living A Lie
“Baby girl.” I turn and look at Jasper. “Tell him about where they work, what they did to others, I will explain your part.” He looks at me and I nod, sitting I tell Sam everything and as I am telling him I can see he knows already what happened to me. It isn’t hard to fit the pieces together. My neck is still bad and clearly shows something was around it to restrain me.
“Right get showered and ready, we need to leave for the scan soon. Jasper looks at me and I escape, I don’t want to sit there and tell Sam about what happened with me, so Jasper can. Getting showered I get dressed, noticing that Jasper has bought clothes that will actually fit my stomach.
Walking back out Sam has left, Jasper is standing ready to leave.
“It’s a private scan, more to see when you’re due, no doubt after you see a doctor they will book a proper scan. Let’s go, then tomorrow you’re going to see your dad.” He walks out into the garage and I follow, I stop and laugh slightly. “Don’t, this will take me some time to get used to. I’m not saying goodbye forever to my bikes baby girl, but you’re pregnant so the car is safer but a baby on the bike is hard.” He opens the car door for me and I get in.
I watch as he gets in and begins driving and it feels weird, I’m used to seeing him on bikes, never in a car. It makes me want to laugh and he can tell as he keeps looking at me shaking his head. Twenty minutes. later we stop at the building and walk in. Sitting down we wait. Now though, I’m nervous, anything could be wrong and I wouldn’t have any
idea.
I hear the woman call my name, and stay sitting, Jasper stands and pulls me through with him. I get sorted and watch as she begins the scan, Jasper pulling slightly on my hand, turning I look at him.
Living A Lie
“What’s wrong baby girl?”
“Nothing.” I try and smile and fail and he looks at me waiting for the truth. “I’m just worried something might be wrong.” I don’t want to get my hopes up.
“It won’t be, stop worrying.” He kisses me and I relax slightly as he pulls back. I watch as she does the scan, and she keeps the screen away from us. I can see Jasper is now worried.
“Is the baby okay? All we need to know is the baby is okay.” Jasper looks at her and she nods smiling.
“The baby is fine, don’t worry. I’m just doing measurements and things then I can find the date you’re due. Then I will turn the screen.” She smiles and continues to work and I relax slightly, she said the baby was fine.
A few minutes later she turns the screen and I stare shocked, it’s a baby, like a real fucking baby. I feel myself panicking.
“So, you have about four weeks left, I would say. Due date I would say 30th December, do you want to know the sex?” She looks at us and I nod. Four weeks?
with Joel for like at is all I have left, four weeks? I thought I was
with Joel for like six or seven months? Then again I barely saw the date, time or sun for the first few months.
“It’s a girl.” She smiles at us and prints out the pictures and hands them to us. Leaving I sit quietly as Jasper drives.
“Baby girl, we have four weeks and have nothing sorted. So we need to sit down and figure out what is needed. I don’t know.” His head shakes. and I can see he is freaking out as well. I stay quiet as he drives us back, walking in we sit and he makes drinks.
I still need to leave. I thought Joel was my only problem, but he isn’t. Jake is, if he knows Joel is dead, he’s coming for me. I hadn’t even considered that. Jake and Oliver are worse than Joel, and there is no way Jake won’t come for me.
That is something else I never paid attention to, that contract, while it said was I was Joel’s and states the terms for what he could do to me. It stated I was Jake and Oliver’s if Joel ever gave me up. How could I forget when Jake was so keen to remind me so much when Joel was done with me I was his?
“Baby girl.” I look up confused and see Jasper sitting looking at me, waiting for something. “I asked what you think the first step should be?” He smiles and I shrug. “Okay, well, we need things for the baby, so let’s make a list, and you can help.” He smiles at me and grabs the laptop.
My mind stays on Jake, and the fact he will know Joel is dead, so he is just waiting for the right time to try and get me? Sitting we discuss. what we need for the baby, but my mind is fixed on Jake, and wondering what his plan will be. He and Oliver would have shown up that night, they would know Joel is dead, and seen I was gone.
The day goes as we talk things through, but I keep myself pulling away. Until I know I am safe I won’t let him in just for him to be hurt. when I disappear. Four weeks, I have four weeks until I have the baby, and I know Jasper is freaking out but is holding it in so I don’t feel
worse.
“You’re quiet, what’s wrong?” He looks at me and I shrug.
“I thought I was gone for like six months. I assumed I was like seven months pregnant.” I didn’t think I had been gone that long.
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“No, baby girl it was April when you left, we’re on the 2nd of December now. Tomorrow, when we go see your dad you need to be aware of some things.” He looks at me and I nod. “It will be the last time you see him baby girl. He only agreed because Sam forced him, he doesn’t want you going there. It’s not jail, you will be searched, thoroughly.”
“It’s fine.” I’m not stupid, I know they will need to search me.
“Baby girl it means them touching you, if you feel like you’re panicking, tell me and I will explain. The last thing we need is you to freak out and them think you’re hiding something then you get strip searched as well.” He looks at me and I laugh. “It’s not funny, baby girl.”
“It is a little bit.” I grin and he groans.
“Right, bed as we need to leave early, come on.” Pulling me up we walk through to the room, climbing in bed he wraps his arms around me. I stay staring at the wall, my mind considering everything. I was hurt yesterday finding out my mum wasn’t my mum.
I understand though, I was ready to leave the baby with Jasper to protect it from Joel, now I’m ready to do that again and protect the baby from Jake and Oliver. I would like to know who my mum is though, find her and let her know I forgive her. It’s strange, a year ago if I were told I would have hated her for walking away, but now I understand.
The night passes and I don’t know how long I stay awake for considering everything before my body forces me to sleep.