Chapter 6 – Asher
A shower later and a couple of coffees down, and I felt slightly more human, or as human as a werewolf can feel on next to no sleep…
“Right Ash, we need to sort this sh it out.” Caleb’s voice was sounding more than a little stressed out, telling me I was in for more than a fun day.
“What sh it now?” I asked with a deflated sigh. I am sure we had dealt with everything that needed doing yesterday.
“Quit sounding like you are overworked.” Caleb gave me a dirty look. “My Dad’s birthday party for a start. Plus, Eden is on my case about the teacher for school. We still need to replace Eloise.”
I do recall him mentioning needing to re-advertise for a new teacher, but I had thought Eden may have dealt with that. Being Luna, and a mother, I thought she may have wanted to be involved with those sorts of tasks. Evidently I was wrong. As for his Dad’s party, I think he was more than capable of sorting out that himself, or his Mum was. Seriously, is it my job to do everything around here?!
“And you are doing what exactly?” I question, feeling more than a little pi ss ed off.
“Alpha duties.” Caleb says with a smug smile. Alpha duties knowing him would be sitting at his f**king desk with his feet up enjoying a coffee. Lazy f**ker. Delegating all his work to me, I am sure that is all he does.
“Well, I am sure your Dad would rather you took a part in arranging his party, or even his wife?”
“It will keep you busy.” Caleb said to me with a smile, and I knew then the reason why he was giving me the responsibility of the job. He was trying to find ways to occupy my mind. Something he had been doing since Isla had passed away. Something I did not need doing for me, yet something he and his mate seemed to find the incessant need to do. I truly wished they would stop…
The loss of a mate is a pain like no other, but I did not need treating like I was broken. Incapable of functioning any longer. “I do not need keeping busy Caleb.” I snapped, standing to walk from the office, needing to get away from my friend before I said something I regretted.
“Ash, come on, please, I am trying to help.” My best friend calls out to me.
“Cal, come on, if this is about Isla, she has been gone nearly seven years this year. I do not need keeping busy. I am doing that myself. I am Beta, that keeps me busy in itself. If I needed help I would f**king ask for it, okay?”
I saw the concern on his face, and it did nothing but irritate me. The same concerned expression I see on the face of my other friends, or my parents… the elder women in the pack… all feeling concerned for my well-being because I lost my mate. Worried I was falling apart. Worried about my heart… my soul. I got tired of sympathy. I didn’t need it. It did not bring back my mate. It didn’t make me feel any better. If anything, it made me feel worse…
“Ash, you aren’t okay though. We can see that. You are withdrawn, you are angry. Moody. Isolated. Borderline depressed…” Caleb looks to me with worry.
“That is your expert medical opinion, is it? Wasn’t aware you’d been studying to be a doctor as well as being the pack Alpha, I must have missed that!” I said sarcastically, with a shake of my head at my friend, truly not wanting to deal with all of this right now. “Look, if you actually want me to help with sorting your Dad’s birthday, you know I will, he is my Uncle, after all. As for the teacher, I can put another job advertisement out, but we had no response last time. So I think we are going to be struggling with that, unless you want to look out of area.”
“We may have to consider that if there are no available teachers within the local packs.” Caleb agrees, and I know that would be something we need to consider as the necessity for a teacher was becoming urgent.
“I will sort the advertisement out again, but I will consider one for further afield too.” I told him, hating the idea of strangers within our pack, but we want a good teacher for our school. That has always been the case, and unfortunately this time there is none within our own pack that have decided to train.
“Okay. And I am sorry, Asher. I just worry about you.” Caleb comes and puts his hand on my shoulder, so I give him a friendly nod. I guess he means well, even if he irritates the hell out of me.
I can’t help the darkness that has clouded my life since I lost my mate. And I cannot make it go away. I have tried, numerous times. It appeared it was here to stay. The only thing keeping me going was my job. My pack. They relied on me. And that gave me a purpose. A reason to get up each day. But, the dark thoughts plaguing my mind and the mind of my wolf, Zion, were almost like a curse upon my being. They held me down. Almost suffocated me. Especially when I was alone. Yet, I preferred to be alone. The pain I felt was almost addictive.
There was no other way to describe it. I think I almost enjoyed the pain I felt. I enjoyed the darkness that lingered over me now. It was who I had become. The Asher I had been was gone. He was gone the moment Isla’s life was torn from her. The moment she was torn from me. The young, carefree, happy, joker always laughing and joking with pack members was long gone. Replaced with a withdrawn, isolated, lonely guy who felt down most of the time. Avoiding interaction with pack members whenever he could, and now had a reputation for being moody and snappy… Gone was the happy, handsome Beta, leaving more a moody, f**king monster that nobody wanted to be around…