Chapter 83 – Well Overdue Pt. 1
“My guilt is an ocean for me to drown in.“–Nicola Yoon
Kiya
“Mija, please. Eat something.”
“I’m not hungry, Dad.”
“When was the last time you’ve eaten?”
“I don’t remember.”
On cue, my stomach growled like a ravenous bear, gnawing for nourishment. I knew Dad and my friends could hear it, but I didn’t have the energy to care. The smell of my favorite foods both pleased and nauseated me and the age ol‘ fear of vomiting it back up settled in the center of my mind. I don’t know if I could eat after all. that had happened.
Dad’s arm snaked around my shoulders, his wide hand pushing my head to rest on his shoulder. So warm. Worry drenched his pumpkin scent. How could he not be? This was the first time since my kidnapping where I sat and spoke with him. My friends, as wonderful as they were, helped me to get out of that dreadful dress Osiris gave me and brought my pajamas after I’ve showered. Despite the smooth cotton textile of my lavender set, I felt cold.
So cold.
“If you won’t eat, at least drink something.” Galen held up a cup filled with a green liquid with black pearls. swimming at the bottom. He punched a hole through the plastic top with a straw. “Avocado boba tea. You never pass up boba tea!”
His dark eyes twinkled with hope as he waited for me to take it. I didn’t. Nothing looked appealing for consumption. I shook my head and burrowed my face deep in Dad’s shoulder, wishing I’d just disappear off the fact of the earth. Galen sighed in defeat, settling the tea away.
Frigid chill wasn’t the sole sensation I was feeling. The snake emblem ‘tattooed on my right arm faded into washed–out colors compared to its former vibrancy hours before, as if it was withering away. It was disgusting. That symbol that connected me to Osiris, and I wanted to vomit stomach acid. My hatred for the bastard burned strong, like lava simmering under the unstable layer of a volcano. He did this to me. He put
this on me.
I almost wanted to carve it out of my skin. Fuck the damages.
The bed Dad and I were sitting on dipped behind me, and two strong arms snaked around my torso. A pathetic whimper echoed from my mouth as a warm head rested on my upper back, the scent of orange blossoms tickling both my nose and my joy. “You know you can talk to us, right?” Jackie asked. “We won’t judge you.”
They should be! I killed people and showed no remorse at doing so. My friends witnessed me tear Zircon Moon into shreds with a grin on my face, cheeks smeared with blood, and laughing. I became a riant maniac with eyes bleeding blood. How are they sitting here, wanting to take care of me after knowing all of this?
175
Chapter 53 Well Overdue Pt. 1
Aren’t they scared? Why aren’t they hating me? Where is the anger and frustration?
Goddamnit, this shit doesn’t make sense!
A gentle knock resounded through the bedroom, capturing our attention. Violetta poked her head through the crack, offering a meager smile. “Am I interrupting anything?”
Sapphire shook her head. “No, you aren’t. What’s up?”
Sea–green eyes met mine. “Neron wants to talk to you. Do you mind?”
Fear bubbled up in my chest, my head shooting up from Dad’s shoulder. Why would he? I knew we had to talk, but I didn’t think it would be so soon. How would he react when seeing me? I damn near killed him! Who’d want to speak to their attempted murderer?
“Kiya.” Artemis whispered, lending me her warmth. Her presence chased away the Osiris‘ haunting, phantom hands tickling my arms and caressing my ear. “You both need this. There are a lot of things you both. need to get off your chests, and this is the opportunity to do so.”
H
“But-”
“No buts. I’m not having any of that. Talk to him.”
I
Artemis‘ command was absolute. And I know she’d chew me out if I went against it, but it didn’t lessen the dread plaguing my heart. Would Neron look at me the same way he did before? Would he view me as a killer, something his father proclaimed in his dying breath?
I just… I don’t want him to look at me like he used to, full of malice and contempt. This time, there was a definite reason he should.
But I couldn’t run. That got me into this
gave Dad a small smile he didn’t retum with Lady Sanguine in the first place. I exhaled a vast sigh and
“Can you handle it?”
I have some privacy, Dad?”
I nodded, firm. “Yes. I’ll mind–link you if I need anything.”
Dad hesitated for a bit before nodding, planting a firm kiss on the top of my curls. I won’t be straightening my hair for a while after this. “Okay. I’ll leave you to it.” He looked at my friends and pointed his head to the door, gesturing for them to leave. Galen and Jacqueline whined a bit, wanting to stay, but was forced out by Dad who held onto their biceps like bratty children.
Neron walked in shortly after, closing the door behind him.
A pregnant pause drifted between us, the silence of my room deafening. I felt his eyes staring into my temple as I gazed down in my lap, fascinated by my restless fingers. One of us had to talk or else I’d go insane!
“Are you okay?” We both said at the same time. Heat rushed to my cheeks while Neron’s cheeks blossomed a fierce pink. Well, at least we broke the ice, right? Embarrassing! He cleared his throat, rubbing his bandaged arm as his eyes searched to look anywhere else but me.
“Mind if I sit next to you?”
I wanted to say no, but I couldn’t bring myself to. A deep part of me wanted him near, while the other warned of approaching danger; that same part that lived and breathed during my captivity. I pushed the latter down as far as I could. This wasn’t my cell thirteen years age. With a bit of reluctancy, I noddist shifting to the side to give him some room.
We sat like that for a moment, silent, uncertain who would make the first move to begin the conversation.
Goddess, we aren’t good at this.
החלקתה החריך
“Um… 1 hummed. “Are you… bealing okay”
am
Neron glanced at the bandages covering his arms, wrapping from his wrists to his shoulders Gaure peeked out from the neckline of his sleeveless top, no doubt covering the rest of the wounds indicted on him. They shouldn’t be there. He’ll end up having scars like me. I’m feeling a little better. You don’t have to worry about me, Kiya
“Okay,”
“But you never answered my question.” He shifted his body to face mit “Are you okay**
“No.”
he knee on the mattress
Was I ever okay? Was I ever going to be okay? No ordinary person walking around with the baggage I have could claim to be a sane person. An invisible weight resoad in my palms in the hits shape of the life snatching blade I weld. The weight solidithed when thesed my fingers, my brain tricking me to thinking that still had it. With it came the recollections. The memories.
i
Lady Sanguine’s–my laughter rung in my head like a siren song, growing in pitch while the memories of my chaos flashed before my eyes. Blood, blood, and more blood Skin tearing to reveal the hidden layers of mortality and the screaming
Oh Goddess, the screaming Crying Begging I can even taste the blood of the victims on my tongue, a violent reminder of the monster I became.
“Why aren’t you scared of me?” I asked, tearing my eyes from my palms to stare into Neron’s blue don’t understand
“You want me to fear you?**
“Yes. You shouldn’t be sitting as close to me as you are now. What Is and decide to kill you, now?”
“Kiya.” Neron began. “If you wanted to kill me on this bed you would’ve done it by now. You have the god- like power to stuff my life out, but you aren’t using it. I told you before that I wasn’t scared of you.”
“That was before I killed people. Neron.”
“You killed Tristan before that.”
I winced, remembering the rhythmic squelching every time I plunged the blade into his fest slumped to the ground. The sounds of sien tearing when I cut into Odessa’s throat rang in my ears, along with the deathly gurgles of Elder Sage’s death. Each death barbered a distinct sound I remembered as clear as day,
singing their praises to exacted revenge. I did that, I killed them.
“Yet… I’m confused Neron. We’re in the aftermath of that insanity, but I don’t feel… what I’m supposed to feel.”
an by that?”
“Now, you’ve confused me.” He chuckled. “What do you mean by that?”
I swallowed the growing weight in my esophagus, anxiety bolting through my body. “You won’t look at me the same way again.”
“I wouldn’t be sitting here if I looked at you differently, Kiya. Give it your best shot.”
Artemis made her presence known in the center of my mind, urging me to speak in her pensive silence. Fluttering my eyes closed, I sucked in a strong, trembling breath to stop the tears from dripping. “I don’t feel guilty for killing Odessa and the others. I can’t find it in me, and that scares me. The sole regret I feel is for those who
got hurt or died in the crossfire. I don’t feel guilty in the way I should and that makes me a monster, doesn’t it?”
Neron sat in silence, glazed eyes averted as he tapped his finger against his knee. Here it is. This is where he is supposed to scream at me about how his dad was right and that he should finish what he started five years ago. Patiently, I waited for his hostile reaction, but it never came. Instead, he gazed upon my face with tender eyes and an equally soft smile.
What the actual fuck?!
“It would be much easier to hate you, Kiya, but I don’t.”
“And why the fuck do you not? I made you kill your dad!”
“I would’ve done it myself, eventually.” That distant look in his eyes flashed over his blue, but he reeled himself in to continue speaking. “Dad was too far gone to be pulled back into the light. He couldn’t see the madness he created and who is to say he would’ve continued if he had lived? I killed him because I didn’t want you to. Dad dying by my hands was the best thing for him. If he wouldn’t answer to you or me about his crimes, he’ll answer to Selene.”
“But… no! I just… no!”
“Why are you
trying so hard to convince me to hate you?” Neron demanded, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “You know why you don’t feel guilty about most of those deaths, Kiya. Those people hurt you and showed no remorse at doing so. This…” He gestures to his bandages. “… was well–deserved. I may not fully comprehend the details of your pain, but I know enough to understand that we deserved every goddamn thing Lady Sanguine dished out at us. Getting pissed at you for that is like getting mad at a vase smashing to the ground when I placed it close to the edge. You had no choice!”
“I had a fucking choice!” I cried, forcing myself
the bed, walking toward the window. The moon was up, full and dazzling. But I couldn’t bring myself to admire its beauty, knowing Selene was looking down at me with disappointment. “I had a choice to not fall for that snake’s honeyed words and I did! I let him manipulate me! Everyone prided me in being so strong and now, what the hell am I? I’m a fucking disgrace to Selene’s name.” I heaved as a stray tear made its escape down my cheek. “Your father was right this entire time-”
“No, hell no, Kiya. Don’t you fucking dare!” Neron marched from the bed, anger permeating in every step. He
stood in front of me and raised his hand. I shut my eyes, expecting a slap in the face, but it never came. Instead, Neron’s large hand cradled my cheek, wiping the tear from my cheek. “My father was wrong about you. You aren’t a monster, angel. However, you’re fishing for confirmation that you are, Kiya.”
“I’m not.”
“You are.” I hear both Neron and Artemis say in unison, my face scrunching up in irritation. I huff again, looking out the window again, gazing at the street void of human and animal life.
די
I hate myself for letting Osiris get to me. For becoming complacent with the thought of harming others, even if they deserve it. ‘Be the bigger person‘ is what I’ve heard throughout therapy and therapeutic circles with other people. ‘Be stronger than the people who hurt you‘. Neron, I was ready to ruin the world because of my pain. I was so selfish. Can I ever be a good person after all I’ve done?”
Before Neron could answer, we jumped at the hard thud against the window. A white ball flew up and tapped rapidly against the window, demanding to be let in. Shocked, I cracked open the window for the object in question to sail in, hovering between the both of us.
“Diana?!” I hollered, pressing a hand over my heart to calm it. “Why did you just crash into the window like that?!”
She squawked, flying around Neron and me in circles. “What’s the matter with her?”
“I don’t know; she’s your pet.”
Diana swooped in between us, pecked, and bit my pajama shirt, dragging me forward. Then she tugged at Neron’s shirt with her talons, to where the distance between us vanished. We were touching. Afterward, Diana perched herself on the bed and squawked once, satisfied.
Neron and I gawked at each other before the bird again, arching eyebrows. Her expectant gold eyes settled on us, mute and patient.
This was awkward.
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