Chapter 23 – This Isn’t Me
“I’m interested in people’s darker side, the ones that aren’t easy and well–balanced.“–Noomi Rapace.
Darien
Everything feels wrong.
I cannot think straight. I’m walking on a ledge of peril, dangerously swaying from side–to–side. Desperate not to fall and regain control of myself.
The darkness coils around my delicate neck like a predator eyeing my vulnerability lustfully. It wants to maim. It wants to destroy. It wants to break me apart and twist my mind until there is nothing left. My fingers, raw from the endless battles against the vivacious blackness, continue to pull to set myself free.
This has been an endless battle for days. Some days are worse than others. My body moves on its own accord and my mouth spews venom daily. This isn’t me. It shouldn’t be me! The cloak of darkness over my eyes obscures the reality in front of me, and it leaks into every artery and vein.
I’m a puppet to an unknown master.
I hate being controlled. It’s the one thing I’d never allow to happen to me. I refuse to let anyone dictate what I do and don’t do–I’m a grown man capable of making my own decisions. But now, I failed my internal promise.
Gaining my sense of awareness is like bobbing for an apple in a vast ocean. It’s almost impossible, but some days I find the apple. It’s when I’m cognizant of the nasty glares from my friends. Their detestation stings my heart like an angry wasp because I made them that way. With the horrible words that fly out of my mouth to my distasteful actions, and unconcealed disrespect to all I stand for. Including ignoring my dutic
as the Deltal trainer, blowing my friends off from our quality time, and going as far as insulting them. I know their secrets and shames, and my words land on the most exposed of targets.
How could I do this? Am I truly this despicable? I want to scream this is not me! Why would I put years of friendship in jeopardy without warning? My heart weeps whenever Jacqueline snarls at me, Abigail shakes her head in shame, Sapphire ignores me, or Galen throwing me against the wall in fury at my actions.
His punches hurt.
I wanted to fall to my knees, but I couldn’t. I wanted to cry and beg for forgiveness, but I couldn’t. Remember that apple? As a symbol of my awareness, it gets washed away by the dark ocean. It takes and pulls me into its perilous depths, deeper until no light can penetrate through. Then, I revert to becoming the nastiest asshole that the Moon Goddess would be ashamed of.
And it all happens by her touch. Her honeyed words. Her claims of love. Her lust for my body intertwining with hers. Those nimble, perfectly manicured fingers once full of soft touches are tainted with tickles of what I can describe as, evil.
As Odessa sleeps soundly next to me in bed, heavy darkness perfuses out of her flesh. Invisible, but felt. It holds her like a baby in a carriage, fusing with her spirit. It’s slowly affecting me. Her presence is affecting me. Or has it already? This isn’t the woman I fell in love with.
That vile part of me emerges when Odessa is near. Something has happened to her, I’m sure. But why Is she
embracing it? My mate has become a different person, and it scares me. Sometimes when we’re making love is when I catch the changes in her eyes.
Glittering hazel flashing to a vermilion red.
I thought I was imagining things because the color disappears quickly. Looking back, I should’ve taken that as a red flag of something sinister happening.
And that’s not the worst part. It’s how I’ve been acting toward Kiya. And how my words cut her the deepest. She’ll never trust me again after this! She’s my best friend and I’m hurting her the worst.
“It’s not you. It’s because of Odessa.” I hear Sirius‘ voice like the distant wind. Ever since this ‘infliction‘ I haven’t been able to connect with him as easily. We’re separated by a forced, impenetrable wall that I couldn’t break. “She has betrayed you.”
Deep down. I know Sirius‘ words are true. I don’t want them to be. I love Odessa–from the strands of her luscious hair to the tips of her toes. Flaws and all. But lately, I’ve seen her true side. At how she pines for the man who’ll never love her as I do.
It looks like the mate bond cannot fix all. Yet, my heart yearns for her. It knows it desperately wants to be touched by her own, but her heart is as cold as ice. A warm body with the ember of lust humming underneath her apricot flesh houses an unattainable heart that slowly blackens overtime.
Love is blind, and I became a fool. I chuckle bitterly.
I couldn’t turn her heart away from the Alpha. No matter the time or dedication I put for her; from our moments we shared in bed, to the dates I took her out on the past month, to wiping her tears away–her heart belonged to another. It always has. The Moon Goddess must have made a mistake with binding us both as fated partners.
Why can’t she love me back?
“Not all hope is lost.” Sirius perked up with hope. “Ariel has not forsaken us. She loves both of us!”
“You’re able to connect with her despite this shit going on?”
“It hasn’t been a walk in the park, believe me.” He grumbles. “It took a lot of trying, but we made it work. Our connections are short–lived, but it’s better than nothing. We’re going to get out of this, dude. This is just an obstacle, that’s all.”
“Right. Her wolf still loves us, but she’s yours. So really, she loves
your.
“Hey! You’re her human mate and we come as a package deal! She has no choice but to love us both.” Sirius chuckles. “It isn’t at the end of the world. Odessa is a lost cause, but we aren’t! I admit, part of me still loves her and hopes she realizes the error of her ways, but I cannot forgive her for turning you into this.”
“I don’t even know what’s happening with me.”
“She’s poisoned us. She’s cavorting with malevolent forces. She sold her soul to the devil, and for what? To become the apple of the Alpha’s eye when an idiot with two brain cells can see that he loves Kiya.”
Chapter 21 – This land Me
“He choked the hell out of the both of us not too long ago. I admit Alpha Neron can defending Kiya.”
he f*cking scary when
“Because he was an idiot before he realized how much she means to him. He’s redeeming himself for the hurt he caused. Can’t say Odessa will follow the same path. The woman threw herself in a pool full of dumb bitch juice.”
“Hey! Don’t insult her like that!”
“Oh, whatever. She made her bed and she must lie in it. I don’t appreciate how she discarded you like the first piece of sliced bread! Would a true mate do this? If Odessa loved you, she wouldn’t put you through hell and turn you against your friends.”
“I’m just the chess piece in this game. We must stop this, Sirius. But how?”
“Kiya. She can help us! You’re lucid enough to hold a decent conversation. We must find her!”
1
Carefully untangling Odessa’s arms from my body, I snatched my shirt and pants off my bedroom floor. Getting dressed as quietly as possible was hard since every ruffle sounds as loud as a f*cking alarm! With haste, I exited my room and searched for my friend.
The pack house is bustling with activity, with muddled conversations leaking from all corners. The pungent aroma of food permeated through the air, awakening my stomach. F*ck, I should grab something to eat after this.
Kiya’s room is near mine. The plan is to knock on her door, beg for her forgiveness, and tell her what’s happening. But by the grace of the Moon Goddess, she exited her room dressed in a black suspender skirt with a clean, white shirt and canvas shoes with her black crossbody purse. She dressed to head into town.
“Kiya!” Her corkscrew curls flew when she turned her head. Her facial expression dissolves from curiosity to utter disgust. My heart plunged into despair to have my best friend look at me with anything other than a
smile. How much damage have I done?
“What the hell do you want?” She snaps.
“Kiya, please,” I begged, walking toward her. Desperately, I wanted to take her hands in my own, but when i reached out, she flinched. “Something is wrong with me and I don’t know what it is. And I need your help. Please.”
“Is this some sort of trick?” My friend retorts with a scowl. “You expect me to fall for this act when you’ve done nothing but degrade and insult me along with your side bitch?” I hung my head in shame.
“Don’t give up,” Sirius says. “Try harder.”
1 take a deep breath, soothing my palpitating heart. The hatred on her face is painful; it takes a lot to make Kiya hate someone. She has a naturally pure and benevolent heart. And I could have damaged it with actions beyond my control. I need her to see the truth.
“Kiya. I know I’ve hurt you and you have no reason to trust me, but please, hear me out. Just give me this chance to explain what’s been going on.” I sigh in defeat. “I need your help.”
She’s contemplating. The struggle is ever–so–present on her face as she battles between ignoring and listening to me. I wait with bated breath, silently praying to the Moon Goddess. To my surprise, she leans against the
This bant Me
wall with arms crossed.
“Three minutes.”
I spilled everything; what Sirius and I deliberated, my internal warfare, and my true feelings. I’m repulsed and saddened that I wasn’t strong enough to stop hurting my friends. Kiya’s face was a rainbow of emotions as she listened to what I believe to be, a wild story. After a minute of uncomfortable silence, her scowl deepens.
“I knew it.” She whispers. “This makes more sense now,”
I’m so confused. “Kiki, what do you mean?”
“Ili, baby!” In an instant, Odessa came to my side, gripping my hand like it was her lifeline. A wave of revulsion washes over me at her faux affection. My body went frighteningly stiff from her touch, trapping me between a rock and a hard place. When she k*ssed my ch*ek, the dark haze fell over my eyes again and I’m drowning in the ocean of darkness again. Sirius‘ voice has faded into silence. There’s a distant cackle at my weakness around my psyche, growing louder as I sank. “I missed you. You should have woken me up.”
What did Odessa do to me?!
Kiya
Her sickly sweet voice is getting on my last nerve. The way Darien’s expression fell dramatically from concern to stoic worried me. I replay the new information in my mind, connecting the dots from Odessa’s influence on her suspicion as a traitor.
Her pearl–white smile hides her malice. She’s as toxic as radioactive sludge, and she’s infecting everyone surrounding her. There’s no doubt Osiris has his hand in this and she’s latching onto faux power.
“And where are you going?” Odessa scoffs with her eyes racking over my form. “Dressed like that?”
“None of your business. If you hadn’t noticed, I was talking to Darien.”
“Oh, that’s too bad.” She giggles. “He shouldn’t have to waste his breath on a pest like you. You should learn to not talk to taken men. But, alas, how can someone like you possibly understand the love between mates? You still don’t have one.”
Control yourself, Kiya. Don’t give her the satisfaction.
“I rather have no mate than to have an unfaithful one.” My smile is as we as sugar but deadly like a cobra. Odessa was taken aback. “You’re still pining for Neron. That shit is sad.”
“He’s mine, stupid slave.”
I look to Darien to see his unchanging expression. The bitch has him wrapped around her finger again. “Then why did he ask me to go to the mall with him and not you?”
“Because he has lost his way! My poor Alpha cannot see the truth because you’ve strayed him away from his correct path. You turned him into a lovesick puppy, begging for a crumb of your attention. As if you deserve to have an Alpha or to be Luna! You turned him into a pathetic dog!” She huffs, swallowing back her anger. “But not to worry. I have a few tricks up my sleeve.”
“That’s if you’ll make it that far,”
Chapter 23 – This hat Me
My fury came out in full throttle, ready to explode on impact. I hated no one more than I hate Odessa–the bitch who never regretted hurting me and continues to hurt me with a smile. She is the traitor. And is manipulating Darien to becoming this vile person all for her. And to destroy me!
Red dots flashed in my eyes. It took a lot of self–control to not lash out. To not do something I’d think I regret. I swear to Selene; I want to make Odessa suffer.
Wouldn’t it feel good to bend and break her just as she’s broken me? To relish in her screams and pain, just as she relished in mine? is amazing.
15 an eye for an eye! Goddess, the lust for the pain of others who caused me pain
But it’s not me. It can’t be me. I’m not a sadist, no matter how much the darker side of me lusts for this bloody vengeance.
“You watch your back.” I hiss. “Karma is coming, and I’ll make sure it whoops your ass.”
“Is that a threat, bitch?”
“No. It’s a f*cking promise.” I growl back. “Because your little game will end not in the way you want.”
And I’ll make sure of that. Odessa will fall and I’ll have the front–row seat to her demise.