Chapter 54 – Inner Child
“The child is in me still and sometimes not so still.“–Fred Rogers
Kiya
All I could see is endless blackness.
+109
Bonus
02:42
I should’ve been more careful. How could I have been so weak? Osiris thwarted my escape attempt once he got his slimy hands on me, proving Artemis right. I walked into a trap. His twisted game preyed on my willpower and desperation to get home. My suffering is amusing to him. Now, as my reward, I’m plunged into a realm of nothingness, detached from my body.
Trapped in a world without light is terrifying. No one is here for comfort or chatter; just a person and their thoughts. Thoughts they don’t want. A teeth–chattering chill blankets my form, nipping at my flesh with reckless abandon as I slowly arose to consciousness, aware of the foreign sensations.
What did Osiris do to me?! Knowing his modus operandi, the bastard can lurk in the surrounding shadows, waiting for a moment to strike. Monstrous, evil, dark–there is nothing good about that man. Despite my weakness, I’m willing to fight him until my last breath.
A sudden warmth brushed up against my side, soft and inviting; a heavy contrast to the surrounding chill. The warmth grew rapidly. When I turned my head to see who or what it came from, my eyes met with a pair of electric blues and an elongated snout. A snout I’ve grown to love. Squealing in excitement, I tackled the culprit, nuzzling my head in her soft white pelt.
“Artemis!” This is the second time I hugged my wolf in her physical form and I never felt happier. Feeling Artemis‘ fur in between my fingers is a feeling I’ll relish forever. I love her so much; my rock and best friend.
“I’m glad you’re okay, Kiki.” She responded, licking my face when I pulled back. Wet, her tongue left a streak of drool on my check. Unlike the average dog, I didn’t mind if Artemis licked the skin off my face.
“I’m glad you’re okay too! But…” My grin fell into a concerned frown when I scanned my dark surroundings. “Does this mean we’re dead, Art? Because last time-?”
“No, I don’t think so.” Artemis shook her head, fur swaying. “We’re still alive, thank Goddess. However, you’re in a state between wakefulness and sleep. Osiris shut your body down with his dark powers, but your mind is still alert and functioning.”
“So, I’m lucid dreaming, but to the extreme?” I asked, cocking my head to the side. My wolf sat on her rear, tail wagging.
“I suppose, but that doesn’t matter. We got to get you to wake up, but I feel Osiris influence everywhere, even around your physical body.” She warned, her voice dropping an octave. “We need to be careful. Anything can happen.”
Nodding curtly, I rose to my feet. This man earned himself a spot on my hate list. This madness has gone on far enough. I’m sick of the pursuit; I just want to go home. But I am worried about one thing; how am I going to wake up? Do I need to connect to my body and if so, how the fuck do I do that?
R
“Okay.” I sighed, calming my beating heart. Anxiety settled in my stomach like a rock at Artemis‘ and I’s prospects. There is no telling what will happen from here on out. But I’m sure with the two of us workin together, we’ll get out of this. “Do you have any ideas-”
A high–pitched, juvenile laughter resounded in the air. “He he he!”
+109
Artemis and I paused in our tracks, enthralled by the abrupt sound. It looks like we aren’t alone in the trenches of my mind. We heard the laughter again, this time louder and closer. There was something about that laughter that was familiar and nostalgic, as if I knew it. Enthralled as I was, I wanted to hear more.
“Ha ha!”
Bonus
02:38
It sounded innocent and carefree, like a child laughing with their friends. An unknown energy propelled my body to follow the sound like a zombie with Artemis hot on my heels, telling me to be careful. How could I not be careful? This is in my head! Something within urged me to investigate, motivated by pure curiosity. The closer I got to the laughter, the clearer it became, and the more mesmerized I was.
When was the last time I laughed like that? Memories buried under darkness are hard to uncover again, leaving behind remnants of what could have been. A mind overloaded with pain and trauma, all I remember was pain. Walking through the endless void of black, hunting for a sound that gave my heart a fuzzy sensation, was strange.
But I couldn’t stop it, even as Artemis bit the hem of my shirt to pull me back. I didn’t. I continued walking for what felt like an eternity until I came across a strange scene.
Trees with rotting bark and dying leaves falling and scattering beneath my feet, disintegrating into dust underneath my feels. There was no smell or sound. No chirping birds or singing cicadas. A macabre scene of nature withering into nothingness, swallowed by the darkness of either mine or Osiris“. It is becoming difficult to know the difference.
That is when I saw her.
A small child waving a stuffed animal in the air as she skipped around what looked like a pool of murky water surrounded by dead blades of grass. She laughed and smiled, enjoying herself. I stood, watching the child’s delight in shock as Artemis‘ large body took her seat beside me.
My breath stopped at the base of my throat upon closer examination of the child. Blotches of red, black, and blue painted her brown flesh from her skinny ankles to her collarbone. Red bruising around her neck stood in stark contrast like a ring of fire. Underneath her sleeveless, dirty white dress, it hides more of her bruises; the hem flailing with her skips. Her hair, dense and curly, danced with her movement, some stiff against her neck. Despite looking like a damaged doll, the smile didn’t leave her face.
The child whirled the dirty sand–colored bear in her hands as she did a pirouette. “Come on! Dance with me, Ala!
Ala. Wait…that’s the name of my childhood toy!
I wanted to scream, cry, vomit–something! But all I could do was stare with my mouth agape. Artemis picked up on my shock and rubbed her snout on my arm to wake me up. My hands shook like maracas and sweat perfuse out from my armpits.
This child…
“You’re a superb dancer, Ala! I’ll never get tired of dancing with you.”
“Who are you?”
+101
02-31
The child stopped, halted her dancing with heavy dark eyes upon me. I spot the faint red bruise on her cheek. Curious, the girl cocked her head to the side, hugging her toy to her chest for comfort.
“Who are you?” She challenged, her voice suspicious but sweet.
“My name is Kiya, and this is Artemis, my wolf.”
Deep brown eyes blinked in recognition, nodding before cracking a smirk. “Kiya and Artemis…oh yeah. I know
now.”
“You do?”
“Yep! I’m you!” She pointed at me. “I’m Halima!”
I would’ve fallen if Artemis wasn’t there to break my fall. It quickly made sense why that child was so familiar she is me! Halima, a name I hate so much, is my inner child! Faint memories of my therapist, Mayra, telling me I needed to heal my inner child. Overcome with painful and horrific memories, it was like crossing into uncharted territory. I couldn’t do it. I just wanted the memories buried and gone.
“Halima…” Artemis muttered, craning her neck forward. “Why are you here in a place like this?”
“Because it is my happy place!” Halima answered with a sharp giggle. “I’m safe here, like no one can hurt me.”
“But you’re the only one here…” I croaked out, pushing back the tears in my eyes. “It…the darkness must be so lonely.”
“No, it is not! I have Ala, duh!” She showed off her teddy bear. “I’m never lonely when I have her with me. And the darkness is not a bad thing, you know?”
“It’s not?” Artemis and I asked in unison.
Halima shook her head, loose curls flowing. “Nope. It is very warm, like one of those heavy blankets Mommy gave me when it snowed.” Suddenly, the amusement left her eyes, leaving behind overflowing sadness with ripples of hatred. “She stopped giving me blankets after she said I was a bad girl.”
Was there anything I could say to that? My heart pounded so hard I thought it would burst out of my chest at the intense feelings Halima was projecting. They were my feelings too. I didn’t want to feel this. I didn’t want to feel anything that reminded me of the dungeons.
“It’s okay, though.” The child murmured, sitting her rear upon the deceased leaves. “Mommy will suffer soon. So will Daddy and Raina.”
“Um…” For once, Artemis is baffled to the point words are unthinkable. Wolf jaw agape with dismay, she promptly closed it to gather her words. “Halima, you shouldn’t wish for things like that.”
+10
Bonus
“Why not?!” Her wail was shrill, painful in my ears. “They made me suffer, so why can’t I want the same for them. They deserve it!” Her angry eyes darted to me. “You abandoned me, Kiya! I hate that stupid new nagp of yours! You pushed me away and left me alone!”
“I’m sorry…
cyes.
02:28
די
“No, you’re not! No one is!” Halima huffed angrily, using her palm to wipe the falling tears from her hate everybody! I hate Zircon Moon! They took my happiness away from me!” Bubbling and gurgling echoed from the pool, bubbles sprouting to the surface. “They all deserve to die! I want them all to die; only then will I feel happy again.”
Halima’s forceful and plethoric emotions–devastation, angry, and sadness–engulfed me like a hurricane striking the coastline, snatching me in its violent waves. I don’t know what to do or say to comfort my inner child because all her words and feeling emulated my own at the beginning of my recovery. Unfortunately, I still harbor those forbidden feelings.
The blackness around Artemis and I grew impossibly darker, groaning and grumbling like a living entity. Looking at Halima in bewilderment, the broken child smiled broadly as she gazed at the blighted trees morphing and bending around her. Her body and face held no fear, only uncontained glee.
“You know…” She sang. “Osiris is not an evil man.” That instantly caught the attention of my wolf and I. “He is not the enemy. He understands us, Kiya, and he is kind! No one you know knows what it is truly like to live in the prisons, but Osiris does! The only way to make everything right and for us to be happy is for Zircon Moon to burn and die!”
“Did he tell you that?” Artemis growled, standing on all four paws. “Osiris is not a friend, Halima! He is manipulating you to make you believe in what he wants. Osiris is a monster that shouldn’t be trusted, and you should know that.”
Halima narrowed her eyes on my pristine white wolf, snarling back at her. “You’re supposed to be on my side, dummy! Those stupid Alphas hurt you too; you should want revenge too!”
“Hurting others solves nothing.”
“Ugh!” Halima rose on her feet, kicking the leaves away from her naked feet. “You’re so annoying, Artemis! You’re just like that evil pack! I’ll never forgive them, and you can’t make me, you big meanie!”
“Okay, stop!” I shouted, butting into the heated exchange. The rapid shift in scenery made my skin crawl; it looked grotesque as decomposing nature bent and writhed. Like it was all connected to Halima. But when I looked at the trees and the bubbling black pond separating Artemis and I from the child, another wave of familiarity smacked me in the face.
I’ve been here before, except it was full of light and life. This realm Halima is controlling is a replica of the place where Essie and Nuria died, except lifeless and near–demonic.
“Halima.” I huffed, pressing a hand to my chest to calm down. My inner child glared back with daggers aimed to kill, clutching her bear so roughly that some cotton inside spilled out. “We can work things out. You and I can sit down and talk, finally. I was wrong to neglect you, but I was scared. I didn’t want to remember anything.”
“I don’t either, but I have to!” She retorted. I don’t want to talk! I want revenge!”
“We can’t!”
“Yes, we should! I know you want to, Kiya! I feel your feelings too.”
“Is there a problem here?”
4109
Bonu
02:25
All of us darted our heads to the intruder, igniting different reactions from us. Growls rumbled in my chest; Artemis outwardly growled as she braces herself for a pouncing. But Halima’s reaction was strikingly different
from ours.
She ran towards Osiris, giggling in delight, and leaped into his arms.
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