Chapter 34 – I’m Not Afraid
“Fear doesn’t shut you down; it wakes you up.“– Veronica Roth
Neron
Kiya brutally executing Tristan left a lasting impression on the Zircon Moon pack members.
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Many cower in fear from her formidable might or avoid all altercations with her instead of becoming her next victim. The guilt of those who lived during the dark times began consuming their souls, bending and morphing their will into a false sense of self–preservation. Living in fear is never a good thing, but it’s bothersome how many resorts to that instead of admitting their part in her torture.
Am I in charge of wolves or cowards in sheepskin?
Watching Kiya slay her rapist was like watching a mighty phoenix burst forth from the ashes of earth. Robotic and stone–faced, she stunned the crowd into silence as Tristan’s screaming boomed through the air, grating against the eardrums of the men and women. Raina stopped her brutal assault on Odessa to watch her little sister become the ultimate executioner. Even my father, who has been against my mate this entire time, couldn’t do anything as his friend succumbed to his wounds As Alphas, powerlessness is a feeling we loathe, but my father felt every brutal morsel of it at that moment.
“Am I crazy now, Jonathan Prince?”
Her voice was bitter, yet maniacal. It didn’t hold the warmth I loved. The Kiya I’ve seen around children and her friends faded behind the limelight, and this new Kiya emerged forth to show us she’ll no longer play nice. Strike her and she’ll strike back ten times harder.
She will no longer cry. Instead, my mate will continue to walk with her head held high as others dare not to provoke her. A master at the blade, she won’t hesitate to cut anyone down from where they stand.
It should scare me. The one thing an Alpha will fear more is their mate because they are their equal; in rank, power, and status. If an Alpha is prepared to attack, their other half calms them down. If their Luna is ready to strike, they step back and allow their love to battle. Logically, Kiya should scare me. Terrify me.
But I’m not scared of her. She did what she had to do. Tristan was inches away from freedom and mitigation from his crimes. Kiya had no choice but to kill him, although I wish I was the one to do it.
Men are shameless. And I shamelessly admit that as a fully grown man, it excites me to see Kiya come into her power. For too long, we as a pack ignored her cries and trampled on her tears. I’m no exception to this as I took part in her suffering. I’m every bit as guilty as Raina, her parents, and everyone else. But, damn, even covered in blood, she’s f*cking beautiful.
However, even the most beautiful roses hold the sharpest of thorns. I’m worried about her. Coming into true power is amazing, but since Tristan’s death, Kiya has changed. Her smiles aren’t the same anymore. Before, they held warmth and purity. Now they’re cold–almost bitter. She smiles at my members, but to relish in their fear.
My father is incredibly wary of her. Despite his senior authority to have Kiya Imprisoned for ‘false accusations‘–that shit still pisses me off–he couldn’t do a damn thing about it. My mate is mine to protect and I’ll never place her in that hell again. With every attempt to arrest her, I blocked. Since I’m the acting Alpha, what happens to Kiya comes from my authority.
Chapter 34 Im Not Afraid
She did nothing wrong. She got the justice we deprived her of for most of her life. Why the f*ck would any sane man throw her in the prisons for that?
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I’ll never understand why Dad continues to hate my mate despite knowing she’s free from all fault in Mom and Nuria’s passing. To continuously torture her is unforgivable! I don’t give a shit if he believes I’m a failing Alpha–I might be–but tormenting the love of my life is crossing the line.
Since that day, we haven’t spoken. I’ll never forgive him for the spectacle he pulled. Having Elder Sage preach about the laws of our kind was a bitch move, considering he did nothing to help Kiya, like the rest of us.
I’ve lost all respect for my father. And I’m staying true to my threat; if he tries to touch or harm Kiya, he’s dead. I sigh as I lean back in my chair, staring out the window.
Mom would be ashamed of what my Dad has become. This is not the same man she fell in love with, got married to, and bore children with. She wouldn’t want this. Nuria wouldn’t want this. Gazing at the blue skies, I’m wondering if they’re watching us now.
Would they be proud of this pack? The foundation that once held this mighty family together is crumbling under the weight of our sins. And we can’t blame anyone but ourselves.
Would they be proud of me?
I think back to what Dad had said to me; calling me a failure for not conforming to his idea of what an Alpha should be. While I largely don’t care, it did sting a deeper part of me internally. I never wanted to fail my father, but what does it mean to be a failure?
Mom wouldn’t think of me as one, for sure.
But, if I’d listen to myself instead of blindly following him, none of this would’ve happened. If I only stuck up for Kiya more when we were kids…
Knocks echoed, pulling me back to reality. Right, I have work to do. But there was one thing I needed to know. Allowing the person to enter my office, she took a seat in the chair, gracing me with a stony gaze and a thin- lined frown.
“You wanted to see me?”
“Yes, Kiya.” I nodded, soaking in her presence. Even the aura she carries is drastically different. Perhaps I shouldn’t have asked her if she wanted to kill Tristan and just did it myself. “I wanted to know how you’re feeling after everything that happened.”
My mate shrugged. “Fine. Did you expect me to wallow in my room in tears?”
“No. As I mentioned before, taking a life is heavy on the soul.”
“Well, as you can see, I’m doing fine.” She smirks. “I feel better than before. The bastard is dead, and I don’t regret killing him. One less piece of shit the world has to deal with.”
I nod in agreement. Having Tristan hang over her head wasn’t good for her–living in the same place as your rapist who faced no repercussions for his actions is torture. Kiya shed too many tears in the past several days. With his body cremated and ashes disposed of, I erased his existence amongst Zircon Moon. However, the stain of his legacy lives on through the rest of the living guards. Many, I’m questioning my trust in. Most were passed to me after my father passed me the Alpha title.
Chapter 34 – Im Not Afraid
“Right. But I still worry about you.”
Kiya scoffs. “Why?”
“You’re different now,” I admit. “You’ve become colder and more aloof.”
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“Maybe it’s because it’s about time this damn pack listened to my pain instead of blatantly ignoring it for years.” She retorts harshly. “They still want to live in their fantasy world that no harm or karma would come to them. Maybe it’s because I lost all will to care what happens to the people here.”
“You’re angry.”
“Hell yeah, I am!” She shouts. “It’s been two days since the f*cker died and some of your resident assholes still pretend that they’re free of fault for what happened! I’m glad the newer members are opening their eyes to just how terrible your pack is. You heard the gossip, haven’t you, Neron?”
I have. Some are terrified that Kiya will go on a murderous rampage. Some took my father’s side and believe that no crime took place since the law stipulates that wrongdoings against slaves aren’t identified as criminal, but permissible. A few dared to challenge our Moon Goddess and her decision to make Kiya and I destined
mates.
Rather than let Onyx handle them in his special way, I quickly shut that shit down. Regardless if I’m around or not, if my members don’t respect my mate for the rest of her stay, they have my full permission to leave. After my father and Elder Sage’s bullshit, I have a very low tolerance of disrespect and frivolous gossip against my beloved.
“So.” She changes the subject. “How many more parents pulled their children out of training?”
Another situation that has risen. After Tristan’s brutal death, many parents of the pup trainees wanted to withdraw their children from training, citing concerns over Kiya’s ‘stability‘. They were afraid she might harm their pups. It infuriated me. My mate will never raise a hand against a child, no matter the circumstance. I’ve seen how she cared for them like they were her own, and they’ve seen it too,
However, as much as I tried to convince them, it’s ultimately up to them to withdraw their child or not. They’re the ones who signed them up and can rescind their original proposal. The pup trainees heavily protested and continued to train in secret, but they’ll never train in open light unless they get a new teacher.
And Kiya is the best there is.
“A couple more,” I answer. “That makes about six pups who won’t be joining tomorrow.”
“It’s a damn shame.” Kiya shrugged. “You kill a man and suddenly parents think you’ll kill kids. It’s ridiculous.”
“Have you spoken to the parents at all? The kids want to continue training under you.”
‘Nope. Everyone fears me now. There’s no way we can sit down and have an actual conversation.”
“And you’re okay with everyone fearing you?”
“To an extent.” The smile she gives is sickly sweet, freezing my spine stiff. “They should’ve been since the beginning.”
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“What about your friends?”
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Kiya sighs, giving my question some thought. “They understand why I did it. I think if I hadn’t killed Tristan, I’m sure Jackie would and take your father out too. The one thing I’m grateful for is that our relationship hasn’t changed. That’s what I was worried about the most.”
The members of Garnet Moon are remarkable people with a beautiful friendship. They ooze authenticity and truthfulness. I’m glad they’re sticking by my mate, even when this pack proved to her once more that they’re willing to abandon her.
It’s becoming more shameful to call this pack mine.
“You should try to talk to Raina.” I suddenly say, folding my hands on my desk. “She’s worried about you too. She beat the shit out of Odessa for you.”
“That was funny.” She chuckles. “Raina gave her a good punch in the eye. Too bad the shiner had to heal.”
“She was defending your honor. Raina loves you, Kiya.”
“I wish she’d showed it from the very start.” She murmered. My heart lurched painfully. The sisters‘ relationship is…rocky, but it’s hard not to wish for your sibling’s love. It’s unmatched and deep. Nuria has been gone for years, but I still love her so much. A sibling’s love doesn’t and shouldn’t fade.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper back. “She’s trying hard for your forgiveness.”
“I know. I’m not ready to accept her back into my life, yet.” She admits. “There are things I need to settle.”
“Settle?” I asked, confused.
“Yes. Starting with you.” Before I knew it, Kiya rose from her chair and was standing directly in front of me. Her sweet scent became overpowering, drawing me in close to her allure. “You saw everything, Neron. You saw me tear into Tristan with no remorse, heard his screams and my laughter, and witnessed the fear on your father’s face. Even Ashley and Steven are scared. They have yet to confront me.”
What’s taking those two so long? Don’t they want their daughter’s forgiveness?
“But, I’ve yet to hear your thoughts.” She abruptly leans forward, our faces mere inches apart. Where did this sudden boldness come from?
Our body heat envelops us in a blanket of thick tension. My fingers itch to grab her waist and press her body against mine. She’s so close, yet so far away, and I’m craving her touch like she’s my last gulp of air.
“Kiya…” I groan, steadying my voice. “What are you doing?”
“Asking you a question.” She arches an eyebrow, “Is there a problem?”
“Hell, no!” Onyx shouts in my head, wagging his tail. “She’s so close, Neron…”
“Can you please think with your head and not with your crotch? You aren’t helping!”
“I’ll try, but she smells so damn good…”
“No, there’s no problem,” I answer quickly, pushing down my erotic feelings. Now isn’t the time to behave like
Chapter 34 – Im Not Afraid
a cave dweller. “T–This is—”
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“Are you afraid of me, Neron?” She suddenly asks in a worried tone. “Will you avoid me? Have I struck fear into your heart too?”
Our m
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eyes connected, and I see her emotions swim in a sea of mocha. Many crashes against the shore, but she’s worried above them all. Kiya appreciates honestly, so I’ll answer honestly.
“I’m not. I never was and never will be afraid of you.” I sigh, carefully bringing my fingers to her ch*eks to relish her warmth. Her eyes softened. “Just promise me one thing?”
“Hmm?”
“Don’t do anything crazy.”
“Define “crazy“.”
“Just…don’t lose yourself, okay?” I beg her. Her change from warmth to chill is too much for me. I don’t want Kiya to lose more of what makes her unique. “Please.”
Kiya sighs heavily, lengthening the distance between us. Onyx whimpered at the loss of warmth. “I won’t.” Silently, she disappeared from my office. It’s lonely without her in it. I felt a headache coming on, so I rest my head in my palms.
Please, Moon Goddess, don’t let Kiya lose herself. I know she has so much anger, but don’t let it cloud her light.
After a minute, I composed myself again. Huffing in a deep breath, I close my eyes and lean back in my chair
to relax.
–
…I know you wanted to k*ss her so bad.”
Yes, I did, but that’s beside the point!
“Shut up, Onyx!”