Chapter 36
ISABEL
“How do you feel about Logan?” Adeline questioned.
The room was silent simply because for the past few minutes, we’ve been quiet.
“I honestly don’t know.”
“What do you mean by that? If you went as far as having sex with the man who you claim to hate then why won’t you know how you feel?”
“Because I honestly don’t know. I can’t even say. Do I crave him? Maybe. I don’t even know but it happened. He explained to me why he did what he did and it wasn’t deliberate. I believe him but does that correct the damage? No. I don’t know but we had sex and do I regret it? Not one bit.” I voiced my sincere feelings without holding back.
I didn’t know what I wanted with Logan. Having sex with him and kissing him doesn’t mean that I suddenly want him back in my life. I was h orny and he was available and it happened.
“So in other words, you are saying you are sexually attracted to him and there’s nothing else?” She asked.
I shrugged. “Yes. I honestly don’t know but I don’t think I made it hard for me to avoid his presence.”
“Okay. That’s a little serious. What about Tim?”
I can be an the same room as him and not want to f uck him. He has
Jeering the mention of Tim’s name only made me feel guilty. I wasn’t dating him yet but I kind of led him in when I kissed him on the cheek the other night. I might have done it as a means of gratitude but it doesn’t change the fact that he didn’t see it that way considering he already confessed his feelings for me and I knew it already.
“Tim is a good guy. I mean he might not be exactly what I want in a man but he has proven to be easygoing and a nice guy and giving him a try won’t be bad but honestly, I don’t see myself with him.”
“You don’t see yourself with him? Are you kidding me? When did you start thinking about this? Just when? Oh my goodness. So you are going to reject the poor guy?” She asked and from the way she sounded, she didn’t seem too pleased to hear me, say that.
I understood her feelings and my sexual attraction towards Logan shouldn’t be an excuse for me to let go of someone like Tim. I mean he’s human and he doesn’t have to be perfect and one mistake from him shouldn’t be enough reason to completely push him away.
“Are you going to reject Tim? Please don’t do that. I mean with Logan it’s just sex and it’s never going to be the same. He’s still married to Jade and what the f uck did he tell you for you to suddenly begin feeling this way? How can you forget what you had to go through and the things he put you through?”
“I never mentioned that I was going to forget any of that. I only stated what I felt not like there’d be anything more and don’t worry. Rest assured that nothing will and can happen between Logan and me. He’s my past and he’d remain my pain,” I assured her.
“Your past?” She scoffed. “You already started f ucking your past which made it your present but how the hell are you going to stop it or will you have sex with him until you get tired? Or what will you do shout this all?”
She raised a topic I wasn’t sure I wanted to start talking about. I only had sex with Logan once and I see myself giving him again which was completely wrong. She made a point and I didn’t want to start thinking of it because I knew that it would only make it hard.
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Chapter 36
“Can we not talk about that?
“Oh come on. This is the more reason we’d have to speak about it. We just have to. I am team Tim and I won’t be letting your past ruin your present and future and if you are not seeing it then you better do.” She remarked, her tone showing emphasis on her words.
“I don’t want to speak about it Adeline,” I sighed, getting up from where I sat but instead she forced me to sit back down.
“It’s late Adeline. Please let’s continue this conversation later.” I pleaded.
you
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“Sadly it can’t be late because I am the one that will have to take care of you and come up with something when y yourself burned. I cannot just ignore now that I can save it so we will sit down now and talk, is that understood?”
“Okay. What are we talking about?” I sighed exhaustively.
“We are going to talk about your feelings and we will talk about it, one after the other.” She grinned widely at me as if trying to tell me that this conversation was only just starting and I wasnt sure if he was ready for that.
“So what are we talking about?” I asked.
“Let’s start with what it is that you want first. Do you just want sex with Logan or do you feel something else I want you to be honest with me.” She began.
“Why don’t you leave that first and let’s talk about this first. What did he tell you was the reason that he did what he did to you in the past?” He asked.
H ook in a deep breath and exhaled before beginning to explain I told her of what he told me. I told her that my father was framed by Jade’s father and they would have killed my father and me because I was my father’s daughter and he had pleaded on my behalf.
His father was quick to believe Jade’s father considering he was one of his trusted men and also because he was against me and Logan getting married it was easy for him to accept and get rid of me.
I explained to them that he married Jade because of me and not because he wanted to and that he also said he would never have hurt me.
“So that’s all,” I explained.
“Okay. Maybe he is telling the truth which we don’t know because we can never tell…”
“I don’t think he’s lying. He told the truth. I felt his heartbeat and he didn’t lie.” I cut her off
“Really? Is that what we are supposed to talk about?” She raised her brows in a questioning manner.
“Okay. Let’s say that he said the truth so what will you do with it: Don’t tell me you are thinking of using it to pacify your heart. You never moved on, did you?”
“I did move her and because I am being soft now doesn’t mean Ive suddenly forgotten all that he did to me. Fine he had his reason and it was to protect me but that doesn’t change the past. I have decided to move past it,” I explained.
“So you are going to tell him about the twins?” She questioned.
I ran my finger through my hair, letting out a deep sigh. “I am not sure but I can’t keep the secret from him forever or can I? One day he’s going to find her…
“Are you even listening to yourself? I think I already got my answer. Adeline doesn’t seem pleased.
“You don’t know what you are talking about,” I remarked.
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“Oh please. I can tell. It’s not just sex, is it? It’s more than that. I mean why didn’t I see that? You still care for him. You were hurt for years and the reason you still carry that hurt in you was because of your deep affection for him, wasn’t it?”
“You still love him and because he’s suddenly doing so much, you want him back. You are saying..”
“You don’t know any of that. I cut her off.
“Oh really? Then tell me why the sudden change of heart? Tell me why you no longer have interest in Tim. Kindly enlighten me.” She countered.
“I never said I wasn’t interested in Tim, I just said I needed more time.”
“More time? Are you sure? You will end up breaking the poor boy’s heart so instead of taking that long to do so, kindly inform him so he knows what he’s in for.”
“I care about Tim. I might not know what it is that I want with him but I know he’s going to make a good partner to me.”
She let out a sarcastic laugh. “Good partner? Don’t use that poor boy Isabel. I expected better.”
“What’s wrong with you?” I couldn’t help but ask because she was doing too much at this point.
“Nothing. I’m just talking” She said in her defense.
That doesn’t seem like talking and you know that. I don’t t want to have this conversation anymore so kindly do me a favor and don’t bring up this conversation again.” I pleaded.
got up from my seat and walked away. Not wanting to continue the conversation. Shortly Adeline walked into my room.
“I don’t have an issue with whoever you want to be with and trust me regardless of your decision, I will support you okay? I just want you to know what you want and don’t do what you’d regret,” she said.
She was right. I was being stu pid and I wasn’t sure what I wanted anymore. For years I’ve had my controlled mg thoughts and knew what I wanted but it wasn’t that way anymore.
“Adeline,” I called her name just as she was about to walk away.
She halted on her track, turning to look back at me.
“Thank you.”
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