Strings of Fate
Cam 54- Interest and intention
I try to be patient, I really do. But I’ve been waiting all week to see Harry and now he’s just standing there and not saying anything. He looks completely miserable. If he’s so unhappy why doesn’t he do something about it? He looks like he has something that he wants to say so why isn’t he talking? He’s never been one to hold his words back before, and I just made a total fool of myself pouring my heart out to him. Is it really so hard for him to just talk to me? I lose my patience.
“Stop holding back and just ask me your question. Whatever it is you want from me, whatever you want to know, just ASK!” My words are demanding but my tone makes it sound more like I’m begging. I can’t quite bring myself to care.
“You really want to know what I want…” Harry starts. His voice is agitated and he runs a hand through his hair, shoving his hood back as he does. He takes a step towards me. I’m standing on the top of the little stairs leading up to my home and he’s at the bottom but he’s so much taller than me that it actually makes us about eye level.
“I want to know if I can love you. If you will actually let me.” His words come out in a single burst, like he’s been holding them in for too long. As soon as he says them, his shoulders slump and his eyes drop to the ground again. I don’t understand what he’s asking.
“I don’t understand. Shouldn’t you be asking if I love you? You’ve told me in the past that’s
what you want. Is it not true anymore?” I try to understand what he’s telling me but I don’t know what he wants anymore. Harry straightens his shoulders and his stunning blue eyes stare into mine. I can feel his magic pushing through me leaving me with weak knees and a desperate need to throw myself at him and kiss him silly. I resist the urge, but only because I’m not totally sure that’s actually what he wants. I might be misinterpreting things.
“No, I’m not asking if you love me, I’m not sure if you ever will. But I’ve been thinking these last few days. I thought the worst thing would be that you might never want me, but it’s not. Being away from you was the worst thing. Only seeing your smile in pictures and having to
imagine how you sound when you compl hout customers or get excited about a potion…
it was horrible. I tried to stay away, I promised myself that I would. That I would get over you and move on because there is no point wasting my life on someone who won’t even trust me.
But I can’t do it and I don’t want to anymore. I’ve thought about it a lot and in every relationship there is always someone who cares more, so it might as well be me. I can’t stop
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how I’m feeling or change what I want. But that’s no reason to throw away what I DO have. So, I’m just hoping you’ll let me love you, regardless of our actual relationship, and I’ll just have to hope that one day you might actually grow to want me back the same way I want you.” He barely pauses before continuing. Now that he’s started talking it’s like his words. won’t stop flowing.
“It’s strange that the only person I’ve ever REALLY wanted is the only one my magic seems to do nothing to. It’s forced me to take my time and actually get to know you and learn what you like. I never thought I would enjoy it so much but I do.” He sighs wistfully and I stare. Hold up.
he’s asking… what exactly? If he can just be my friend? I don’t want to just be his friend! And has he seriously still not realised what his magic has been doing to me all these
months? For a guy who is meant to be an expert on seducing women, he’s really not very good at reading the signs. I think it’s probably about time I just spell it out for him. I’m sick of all the misunderstandings. I’ll tell him the complete truth about everything, then he can decide what he actually wants without any confusion about how I feel.
“Okay. Well I fully intend to answer your question. But before I do, I feel like there are a few
facts I need to make clear to you. First… your magic DOES affect me. Like a lot. I’ve been half
out of my mind for months now.” I start. Harry’s eyes fly open in surprise.
“But… That can’t be right. I’ve seen how my magic affects people, and that’s people I was
only kind of interested in. If you were fee the effects of my magic and how much I wanted you… I don’t think it’s possible that you would have rejected me for so long. You would have invited me to your bed ages ago. I’d give basically anything if it meant I could have you and I can’t see how you could possibly feel that way and not act on it. The only thing stopping me was the knowledge that YOU didn’t want me. But you wouldn’t have had that issue!” He argues. I sigh.
“I told you before, at first I thought that you only wanted me physically and I wasn’t willing to give myself up like that. Then once I realised you wanted more than that I knew I cared way too much to give in and be with you that way.” I insist. Harry frowns and throws his
hands into the air.
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“That doesn’t make any sense! Why would caring mean you CAN’T be with me? Shouldn’t it mean the opposite? Why wouldn’t you just accept me?” He demands. I’m quiet when I
answer.
“But… If I give in… eventually you’ll leave me for good. I’ve thought about it and I’ve
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Cam 54- Interest and intention
concluded there is no reason for you to really love me. You probably only want me so much because I keep saying no.” I confess and it hurts. I’m basically admitting that I don’t think I’m good enough for him. Harry is speechless for a moment before he answers. His voice is gentle, I suspect he knows I’m about two seconds away from crying.
“But… I’ve been telling you this whole time that we’re meant to be together. That it’s
inevitable. I meant it.” He insists.
“Yeah, I know you think that. Because your friend sees relationships that are fated to happen or whatever. But what about after? Just because a relationship is fated to happen doesn’t mean it’s fated to last.” I start to cry. Just a few tears but my frustration is leaking through. Harry reaches out and wipes the tears away, then drops his hands to my shoulders.
“Cam… there is no after. I never meant for you to think of it that way. When I said I wanted
us to be together, I mean forever. Not just for a night or a few weeks. Ryann sees relationships that are fated to happen because they’re perfect for each other. When I told you we are meant to be together I mean we’re inevitable, like fate has chosen you for me and me for you and if you decide you don’t want me I am still never going to move on because anyone else would just be a cheap imitation of what it is I really want.” His words are firm.
but gentle. I can barely breathe. He really wants me forever? If that’s true then I have no
reason to hold back. No reason to worry. I still find it hard to believe, but I want it to be true so much that I’m willing to trust him and believe it. With my words stuck in my throat I throw myself at him in a hug, my arms around his neck since I can actually reach for once. I finally find my words.
“I love you. I really really love you. So, so much. Please love me.” I plead. Harry pulls back to
look at my face and when he realises I mean it he breaks out in the most beautiful smile. He pulls me back in and kisses me silly, then grabs me and lifts me off the steps, spinning me in a circle and laughing.
“I love you C
you Cam.” His words are a promise that I fully intend to keep him to. I know we have a lot more to talk about, but right now all I want is to make sure Harry understands how
much I really love him. Wordlessly, I take his arm and we head into my house and, finally, I take him to my bed.
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