Chapter 201
“Are you that oblivious, or is this your way of mocking my pathetic self? I slept with Matthew. I offered myself. What you see here are not wounds; they’re hickies!” Helen seethed. I saw loneliness and rage in her eyes.
I slumped onto my bed, unable to process the news.
“Oh? Does it sting now that Matthew and I are together?” Helen looked at me with the corners of her eyes. The contempt and sadness in her eyes made her look extra pitiable.
“No, you’re mistaken, Helen. I just… feel sorry for you.”
“He kept calling your name when he was with me until he lost his voice. And when he realized what he had done, he sobbed loudly. He said there was no hope anymore, that he was no longer pure.”
Tears suddenly fell from Helen’s eyes, rolling down her dainty cheeks. She cried despondently, “Why? How could he do this to me? He was sleeping with me yet he was thinking of you. Why? Why?”
Matthew’s text in the middle of the night came to my mind. I now understood why he apologized to me.
I did not have a bad temper, but I did have my principles. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have cut
Felix off that decisively back then.
Matthew was now dating Helen. He thought that he had betrayed me, so he apologized.
Oh, Matthew. He was such a fool.
I felt sorry.
I felt sorry for Matthew and Helen. They suffered because of me.
Helen kept to herself the entire day. She didn’t attend her lectures; she didn’t leave the apartment; she didn’t even get up from her bed.
When I returned home at noon, she was staring at the ceiling with soulless eyes.
She remained in the same position when I came back at night. She was like a doll, unable to speak or smile.
“Helen, regardless if you trust me or not, I just want to tell you that I won’t ever talk to Matthew again. Can you please give him some time to grieve?
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“He had feelings for me since high school. It’s been almost eight years now. I don’t think he knows if his feelings for me are true love or the longing for a bygone past.
“Eight years is a long time. You need to give him time to heal, to mend his bruised heart. You slept with him even though you know he still loves someone else. I think that’s very brave of you. Well done, you’ve shown him how much you love him.
“Matthew isn’t a heartless man. He won’t take you for granted. Give him some time. Keep him company. One day, he’ll be yours.
“And Helen, please don’t hold a grudge against me. I’m your friend, not your love rival.”
“I know. But it’s just not fair. Why won’t he notice how much I love him? Lulu, I’m not mad at you. I’m not trying to antagonize you. I just feel very frustrated, and I needed to rant
earlier.”
“I get that. Now that he’s your boyfriend, you’ll be his responsibility. So please, cheer up. Show him your charisma. Make him fall in love with you.”
She grabbed a towel to wipe away the tears on her face. Then, she hid under it while her body trembled with each silent sob.
“You’ve cried so much today, and you haven’t eaten a thing. That’s not good for your health. I bought some chowder for you. Come, fill your tummy.”
The next day, Helen and I reverted to how we were like before. But for some reason, I felt that something had changed. There was something between us.