Playing The Part
For a month I fought with him, and it took all my energy. I’m sick every day, and feeling weak. I know I need to give in and accept his terms. I have barely eaten or drunk, and he hasn’t touched me, which scares me, he always has.
I raise my head hearing him walking towards me.
“Little mouse, this needs to stop. You’re hurting yourself and making yourself ill.” I nod slowly at him. “Eat please.” He places the plate in front of me, and I move eating it slowly. His eyes watching me as I do.
“How are you feeling Harl? I heard you every night crying.” I ignore his words and fight back the tears. I messed everything up with Jasper. I got him killed, my head falls, and I push the food away from me.
“You really did love him, didn’t you? I thought it would be something that passed, but clearly not.” He sits looking at me intrigued as I cry, what is left to live for? Nothing.
“I’m sorry Harl, I never wanted you hurt. Not like this.”
I look up at him. “Yes you did! You took joy from telling me you would tell me dad and take him from me! You somehow find me hurting like this fucking pleasing, fuck you Joel!” Leaning forward I throw up, I killed Jasper, and ruined everyones lives.
He walks around and cleans, and then sits with me. His face softens slightly.
“If I remove the collar, will you behave Harl?” He looks at me and I
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nod, watching as he leans forward and undoes the padlock, the collar opening and his eyes widen. “Your neck needs sorting.” He walks. away, a few minutes later coming back with a bucket and cloth. I watch as he cleans my neck, it hurts, and I feel like I will have scars on
it.
“Can we move forward Harl?
locked in this room. I need to, you behave, I will no longer keep you
weeks, then I will let you out.”
you will behave though, so a few
“I’ll behave.” I speak quietly. I will, because then he will trust me, and when he has given me enough freedom, I will kill him. I will find a way to based on the rules and restrictions he puts on me. It won’t be for a few months, but I will.
He smiles and moves back.
“You need to eat and drink, I will bring in some water. Please drink Harl.” He walks out and comes back with bottles of water. Turning he walks out and locks the door. Moving, I lie down on the bed, my body passing out instantly from being able to lie down and not constantly have something stabbing my neck.
It’s a sleep I crave, the dreams are vivid, and I feel myself crying in my sleep seeing Jasper, his arms wrapped around me and comforting me. What have I done? Waking I look around me, the room is dark, rolling over I go back to sleep, not wanting to face reality.
I wake to see him sitting and watching me, the room stays quiet as neither of us talks. I know I need to, I need to play the part, to get free.
“I’m sorry.” The words burn my throat as they escape. He looks up at me shocked.
“What for?” His question is one I am ready for, I know what to answer.
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Playing The Par
“For how I acted, for running from you. You were right, you’re the only one who cares and stays. I realise that now. I’m sorry if I sounded or acted ungrateful, and for letting someone else touch me.” The words. flow effortlessly, yet my mind is screaming at me that they are lies. Of course they are, but he needs to feel I believe him.
“Harl, it’s fine. I know what your family is like. They taint you and make you forget, let’s be honest, your dad never really cared. That’s why he didn’t come to find you after you stayed away for years.” His words hurt, because that’s true. I know deep down my dad was giving me the space I needed to be free.
My head nods slowly, and he stands up unfastening me from the floor.
“Come eat Harl.” I follow him out and sit at the table, and he fastens me down. Sitting we eat and talk and I act the way I should. My eyes. scanning the rooms, everything has changed, I need an escape plan, but he’s changed everything from how it was before.
After eating he fastens me back to the floor in the bedroom. The next week passes the same, but my compliance is helping him relax and give me space. It’s what I need, although this week I have noticed some things. Like camera’s, I’m guessing they are for when he leaves and I am no longer restrained to the floor? Maybe a way to check what I’m doing? It means I can’t over time break the boards on the windows, because he will see.
The week passed the same, he would unfasten me, and let me eat with him, then fasten me back down. Some days, he left me unfastened and we watched a movie. I know soon he will want sex, and that will be his way to break me, to see if I am acting or truly here because I want to
be.
We’re sat watching a film, and I can’t help but keep searching for
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Playing The Part
something to help me escape, but there’s nothing. He has the key hidden somewhere, so even if I killed him now, I’m stuck as I don’t know where the key is.
“Where do you want to sleep tonight Harl?” I try and stop the coldness. that seeps through me at his words. I try and steady my breathing.
“With you, if you’re happy to let me?” My words are quiet, and his head tilts, he’s unsure if he should trust me.
“Your hands will be tied to your waist Harl, until I know I can trust you in bed with me.” I want to laugh at his words, it should be when I can trust him, but instead of laughing I nod.
“I understand.” He smiles and cuddles me and we finish watching the film. That night we sleep together, I expected him to try for sex, but he didn’t. I watch for the next week as slowly he leaves me unchained. from the floor more and more. I’ve been waiting for him to touch me, but he hasn’t, and it has me on edge.
It’s not like him,
wonder if I sh and I don’t know what to do. I sit looking at , and
wonder if I should ask? I don’t get why he isn’t trying to touch me if less he plans to sell me out again?
I consider the words as he cleans away the things we ate with.
“Is the fact Jasper touched me making you not want me?” I sit waiting, and watching, he turns and looks at me shocked.
“What?”
“It’s fine if it is, just I wanted to know.”
He laughs and shakes his head.
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“I didn’t want to push, and you take a step back. You’re behaving, but you know little mouse, if you asked, I wouldn’t say no.” He smiles at me and I nod, so he was worried. Worried if he touched me I would go back to fighting.
He finishes cleaning and comes to sit next to me, and now I’m regretting my words. Sure he will trust me more, and quicker, but the thought of him touching me has my skin crawling. The anxiety that I will panic, freeze, or go numb builds as that will make him realise I’m lying.
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