Chapter 37
ANGELA
“What?” I blinked. For a second, I thought I was imagining Darius right there in front of me but when he didn’t disappear after I blinked, I realized he was standing outside my door. It was a few minutes past twelve. I couldn’t sleep because I was too mad to close my eyes for a minute without thinking of possible ways to not kill Darius.
One day, I’m cuddled in his arms, the next day. I want to kill him. My feelings weren’t static, they were rather different with each day and the worst part was I had to remind myself every time that I hated him. I hate that! It was exhausting but I had to do it.
“Will you promise to always come back to me. Nibbles?” he placed his finger under my chin. He lifted my head a little and brought his face closer.
“Are you drunk?” I muttered.
He smirked. “Can I come in?” He leaned closer to the doorframe The light in the hallway found its way to Darius’ face. He was shining, illuminating, and stunning. What was different about him tonight that made him so palatable? The spot between my legs throbbed and I’m reminded of how he took me in his study. I wanted more of that, my body yearned for his touch and something more. Would it be a sin if I succumbed to the desires of my flesh?
Can a girl eat from the forbidden fruit without ending up hating on herself?
“Do you want me to come in?” He asked again. This time his eyes pierced mine as if he would be able to get the answer through my eyes before my lips gave him the answer he sought
“No!” I lied. It would be better if he left me alone at this minute. Because I can’t promise not to jump him the next minute.
He grinned widely as his eyes slowly went down my body, stopping for a second on my breast while he took a deep breath. I was wearing a white sheer sleepwear that was rather revealing. I hadn’t even thought of that until he did that. When I thought that was all, his eyes landed on my feet and he started back at me.
That was when I became self-conscious. I was st*pidly tapping away at my feet again.
Not again, Angela.
“I don’t care what your feet say, I care more about what your heart and mouth say. Do you want me to come in?”
He asked again. The sincerity didn’t leave his eyes. He looked intoxicated rather than drunk.
“Are you drunk?” I asked again, to make sure he wasn’t doing this in a drunken state.
“I don’t drink, Nibbles. The only thing I want to get drunk on is you,” His words sent shivers down my spine. I would be lying if I said it didn’t affect me.
“Did you just call me a thing?” I asked. I swear I didn’t know what next to say. I just wanted to say something so as not to say something st*pid.
He laughed rather than respond. I walked away from the door, giving him enough space to enter. Darius didn’t waste any time before he walked in. He took me by the shoulder and closed his lips against my ear.
“I love the way you smell, baby,”
I scoffed. “It’s shampoo,”
He shook his head. “I’m talking about your scent. It reminds me of the best moment of my life. The days I got to spend with you years ago were the best I could ever ask for. You made me a better person, baby. Every day of my life. I longed to be
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with you again, hold you, kiss you but the person I’d become stopped me from going after you. I could’ve hurt you, and it would’ve killed me to see you hurt. You’re the only person who understands me. You read through me like an open book and you loved me sincerely despite all of my flaws. Growing up, I never felt like I could be loved by anyone but you did that. You gave me a new belief and that belief is you.”
His confession got me so close to tears. I bit down on my lower lip to stop the tears from spilling down my eyes. His words brought me close to the edge of a river and Before I could drown, it pulled me out. I didn’t know how much I needed to hear those words until he said it. But, it was too late.
If he had said this, three years ago or two years ago, I would’ve soaked it in and crashed in his arms but not now, not today.
I laughed. “All these just to get into my pants. You’re becoming more poetic, Darius”
Hurt flashed across his eyes. A pang hit me in the chest and I sucked in air. Why did I say that?
“I would’ve loved to *uck you tonight but I just want to sleep beside you, that’s all. I just want to hold you while you sleep, we can keep the arrangement till later,
Darius moved away from me. He removed his shirt and his belt like he did the last time. I couldn’t even keep my eyes away from him for a second. I ran my eyes across his top, I didn’t miss out on every muscle, every line that ran across his body.
“Keep looking at me like that and I would go back on my words. He mumbled. He placed a long, heart-searing kiss on my cheek, so close to my lips before he jumped on the bed.
He tapped the spot close to him and like I was being controlled by something, I went onto the bed, right where he wanted. He wrapped his arms around me and I rested my head on his other arm. I couldn’t turn my face because if 1 did, our lips would meet. Kissing him was where I drew the line. If I kissed him, that meant I’d forgiven him for what he’s done.
There were times when I asked myself why I was still holding on to the past. My answer was always this; forgiving him will lead me to having hope in him again. That would give him the access to breaking me. Holding on to the past was the only way I could protect myself from getting hurt again:
“Do you still draw and paint?” He suddenly asked when I thought he was sleeping.
“No”
I replied.
“Why? Baby?” He pulled the duvet over our bodies before he laid his head down again.
“I didn’t have the time to do that anymore,”
“You have the time now,”
“I don’t want to,”
“Why?”
“Shut up and sleep,” I commanded, changing the topic.
He laughed. “You should sleep as well. Those pills aren’t helping
Out of surprise, I turned to look at him. My lips landed on his nose and I moved my face back. He was already sleeping. How did he know about the sleeping pills?
Soon, I was also lured to sleep.
The next morning, I was woken to the shrieking sound of the name I’ve been called for five years and when I managed to open my eyes, I was welcomed back to life by the shocked face of my child.
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“MAMA!”
B