Chapter 374
I might be shameless to have such thoughts, but I had no regrets.
Felix’s surgery was over. Everything remained the same, except that he had suffered once more. His mood was far lower than before.
I was the one who gave him hope, then shattered it. It was cruel for him to get such an ending.
How could I tell him that I still wanted to be with Colin?
I wasn’t afraid of hardship. I could even give Felix money. I just worried that I would never be able to be with Colin again.
My grief grew stronger.
Colin knew me best. Every night, he would hold me and tell me not to worry. We weren’t at the end of the road yet. He’d find another way.
George was a world–renowned expert in brain surgery. I wondered where we should put our hope if even he couldn’t solve the problem.
When I couldn’t sleep, I deeply regretted my actions and hated myself.
I thought I was right, but my self–righteousness messed everything up. I was such a useless
person.
Felix was discharged. He didn’t speak all the time. He only seemed alive when I was present.
When I saw him lying still on the bed, like a puppet, I felt like I had committed a horrific crime.
The college project had entered an intense stage. Colin was incredibly busy and had to work overtime at night. He also had to take care of Felix and take me back to the apartment. As he had his hands full, his overall condition was deteriorating, and he looked terrible.
We knew why the other was upset, but we persisted and refused to say anything. We assumed that our previous promise was still valid and we still had a chance.
I gave the draft to Professor King, but he rejected it. He said my paintings were too depressing and dark and didn’t meet the requirements.
He advised me not to stay in for too long but to go on walks more regularly. I needed to soak up the sun, see some flowers, and watch the birds in the sky.
I obediently followed his advice. However, aside from my physical fatigue, my mood was as gloomy as ever. I couldn’t feel the fragrance of the flowers or the sun’s warmth..
+15 BONUS
I might be sick and need to see a doctor. However, Colin was already tired. I didn’t want to burden him. Felix still needed Colin’s care. So, I forgot about it, figuring I’d get over it eventually.
I went to Colin at noon one day and noticed him instructing the workers to install guardrails. I asked him why he did so. He whispered that Felix was beginning to have suicidal thoughts.
He had received a phone call while helping Felix to the bathroom. Then, Felix had accidentally lost his balance and tucked his hand into the toilet pit.
The toilet was newly painted and clean, yet it aggravated Felix, who was emotionally sensitive. He scrubbed his hands repeatedly, asking Colin to get him steel wool and alcohol. He kept mumbling about how dirty his hands were.
Colin was restless on his way to work and turned back halfway. As a result, he saw Felix in the kitchen, groping around. The back of his hand was bleeding from an unknown cause, yet it was ignored.
“What is he looking for?” I had a vague suspicion but didn’t dare to say it aloud.
Colin lowered his head and raked his hair irritably. “I guess he’s looking for a knife.”
A buzzing sound rang through my head. I swayed and nearly fell.
I knew it!